yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
im on a boat
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