once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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