So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize