I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
