I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
