the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize