I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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