I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
