it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
