i would punch a child for taco bell
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize