Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
