walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
