i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
