I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
