I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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