pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
