he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
