being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
