I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
