so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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