You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
