It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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