woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
