let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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