My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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