I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
