i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
