what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
