I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
