I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
