oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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