oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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