Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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