I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Quick, to the slutcave!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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