At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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