i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
