This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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