Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
