I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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