Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
