While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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