I smell stomach acid.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
