If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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