i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
