onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You've changed since you got that strap on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
