Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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