my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Boobs speak an international language.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
