So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
