so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
