i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
