My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize