you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
