does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
