Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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