We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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