Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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