Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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