i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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