apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
