I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
