sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize