ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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