I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
