When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
